the No Contact Rule can work after breaking up a short-term relationship: . been dating for a few weeks and she already sees herself moving in with him. Hmm similar to how I never want to break up with someone because I don't want to seem In the form of more serious, long term relationships, we avoid "the talk. In casual relationships, we stop answering text messages or provide short, uninterested answers. . #breakup #communication #dating #happiness #love. Has anyone done NC with a breakup after a short term relationship I couldn't actually believe how simple and enjoyable dating could be.
I think this should just be a good lesson for you, to either realize you might not want something short term, or that if you want to keep things short term you should strengthen your boundaries posted by FirstMateKate at You definitely did do the right thing here because you're not sure what you want out of your dating experiences.
But I do think you should take some time to really think about what you actually want even though it may be hard to find. If I were single I would be very confused by you. You want a relationship, but not a long term one? What does that mean? Does that mean you want some kind of attachment or arrangement that has an expiration date?
Or does it just mean you don't want to be married? You also say you're not into polyamory. I think you need to listen to yourself here - it sounds like you confused yourself! There is something you wanted that you did not get and you are upset about it. Be clearer upfront about where the lines are. Also forgive yourself for your desires. They may not be fair but they exist. If you think that the relationship that you are pining for is not fair to the other person, consider examining those desires like a scientist.
What are you afraid of? How can you work past those fears to getting the connection you really want? The things that signaled to you that you should end the relationship with this great woman was that a you have some preconceived notion that you don't want a serious relationship and b you enjoyed her company at greater depths than just wanting to bang her brains out "no urgent physical attraction".
Did you have any physical attraction at all? Any physical connection at all? Did you like it? Did it go well? Out of curiosity, do you have any understanding of the difference between love and lust?
She made it very clear that she isn't interested in being around for that. You don't get to end things and then continue using her great personality to feed your non-sexual needs. It sounds like you aren't being very clear about what you want.
Why on earth wasn't the previous great relationship focused on sex and hanging out sustainable? That's what a casual relationship is.
Has anyone done NC with a breakup after a short term relationship and it worked?
Why do you assume this girl wasn't listening to or hearing your boundaries? Just because she was enthusiastic about dating you and saying she liked you? If anything, it seems like you are the one who has unclear boundaries here.Breakup Advice For Short Term Relationships
Saying you don't want a serious relationship, but introducing her to your friends and planning to meet hers. Saying you don't want poly but you want her around while you date other people. Ignoring her when she says that she doesn't want to be around for a friend role in your life. It's impossible for anyone who isn't you to know why this particular breakup upset you so much, but it sounds like you were a lot more emotionally invested in this relationship that you were willing to admit to yourself.
What are you talking about? These two situations are absolutely nothing alike. It felt like a mix of disappointment in myself for not honoring open communication and essentially leading her on, which I explicitly said I didn't want to do, and really stressed about hurting someone else the way I had been hurt before It is normal and human and good to feel bad about hurting other human beings, especially ones we care about.
That's a normal part of breaking up with someone. But how are you "leading her on"?
Is there something that you left out or lied about? This is how it works. You date for a while until you don't want to date anymore or you escalate the relationship. This is not world crushing drama. This is not leaving someone at the altar.
It was shitty of you to introduce her to your friends if that's too significant for your picture of what a casual relationship entails, or if you already knew that you weren't very interested in her. Don't do that next time.
But it's not the end of the world. You know what i'm going to say, right? Sometimes you'll have feelings about that, which include sadness and regret. Maybe examine why you are putting this limitation on yourself before even getting to know the person you're dating. If you're set on your relationships being short or casual, then why treat them like mini long term relationships? Establishing that level of emotional connection when you intend for it to end is bound to cause some pain. Before jumping into something with someone else, sit down and really think about what you want.
You need to be able to clearly explain it to yourself and to any future dating partners. Like you can say to yourself, "This is only going to last for 6 months and I won't get attached" and then that's what happens? Because, at least in my experience, the difference is merely how long they last. Sometimes you don't know going in that it's not going to last very long.
Short Term Relationship Breakup: How to Say You're Not Interested | bodrumeskort.info
Sometimes you don't know going in that you'll look up and 7 years have gone by in a second. I have not had much success with starting a relationship and then denying what my feelings are telling me because I am dead-set on things going a certain way on an externally imposed timeline. If you like someone and you get on well, why would you break it off? What is it that you want from a relationship? Are you scared of being a serial monogamist?
I'm one too, I get it. There are a lot of questions here that I'm not sure you're even aware of. You can't be open about something you actually haven't figured out for yourself yet. I think you did stand by your original intentions because once you realized how you felt you talked about it and that conversation sounds like it was a kind and honest one.
Feelings aren't instant, they can take time to figure out sometimes and it's okay when they do. You have a lot of pro forma boundaries in your description of what kind of relationship you want right now, and even though it seems like you have a genuine interest in those boundaries they might be coming from an intellectual position and not an emotional or day-to-day position.
That lands you in internal conflict: These are all ok. You've just had a complicated, amicable split from a very human, accommodating, exploratory relationship. It sounds like you both benefited from it, and are sad about the necessity for things to change. This isn't PTSD, this is a responsible and mature relationship.
Good on you both. It's especially worse when you project your own feelings about being on the receiving end to the person in the the past onto a person you are breaking up with in the present when they may have a different response.
In my experience, short-term casual relationships work better when you don't create something that requires much of a breakup. You see each other when you feel like it but you don't go out of your way to do non-sexy things together or integrate into each other's lives. I do wonder what you mean when you refer to a lack of "urgent" attraction. Only you know what you meant, but sometimes urgency crops up in a relationship with an avoidant partner, out of a desire for security in the relationship surprisingly this doesn't actually result in security.
Regardless, it's a good idea to use the opportunity to think about what you want. I think you got more attached to her than "casual" allows for, and also that you assumed that her pain over the loss of a brief relationship would be similar to your pain over a long-term relationship.
Secure attachment types, and she sounds like one, generally get over relationships in a healthy way, so while no one enjoys being dumped she'll be fine. And perhaps part of you wants some of the things you had with her, long term. And definitely talk to your therapist. That is a sad thing. Maybe in the moment that you tried to scale back the relationship to a friendship, you realized you were risking the friendship by doing that?
And that's why there were tears? Thinking about the next time, in terms of playing it safe at first, instead of saying this will be a short-term relationship until maybe deciding otherwisewhat if you say this will just be a friendship until maybe deciding otherwise. And keep things at a genuinely just-friends level, and maybe they'll stay at that level so you can hang onto the next friendship.
Or maybe attraction will develop, and at that point you can talk about becoming more than friends. I don't care how explicit you are, it's still cruel and hurtful, because healthy people are wired for attachment.
It's not normal or healthy to do what you did. If you don't want something permanent, just don't date. It shouldn't be hard. Just don't do something you KNOW is hurtful! I understand… last year I went kind of through the same thing, the difference was we were not together all the time.
He was going through a lot of personal stress which really I felt he brought upon himself. Anyway he broke things off and we kept in contact weekly him reaching out to me I was still hurt by him breaking it off but I told him I understood then after several months we rekindled.
Here is where I screwed up. However nothing is a guarantee we can be in love with someone today and tomorrow someone else comes and sweeps you off your feet. I should have waited longer and really just enjoyed the moment with him and made sure this was what I wanted. I do regret kind of giving him the ultimatum but at the end of the day if he really wanted to work things out he would have tried more. If he comes back you need to make sure it is what you want and not just because he is back.
Sometimes these things makes it clearer of how we really feel about someone. For now just accept that he was not strong enough to give you want you needed. April 21, at 9: I think I have a romanticised idea of what happens after a break up or not even a proper breakup and I always think that people get back together and that has happened to most relationships in my family.
He would even joke about me not putting pressure on him, because I was so relaxed about everything. April 21, at I am FB friends with an old flame…he hurt me very big during our short relationship.
I liked him quite a bit and he ended up fading on me after a few rocky issues we went through, plus he was seeing another woman.
Topic: Has anyone done NC with a breakup after a short term relationship and it worked?
LOL I laughed at him…. I now know this was not the guy for me! Good luck to his wife! Yet back then it was the end of the world that he was with someone else. I also ended up hooking up with his friend…so I got over it! April 21, at 1: You are a rational, red-blooded, warm-hearted, young woman who responded to the loving and kind gestures of a man…nothing wrong with that.
Although the relationship WAS only a couple months old. But this stepping back and pulling away and being unresponsive is just plain ole unnecessary and mean! It takes a lot more time for getting to know someone. May 19, at 9: I thought I was the only one with a short term relationship problem. We saw each other for about 3.
If you wanna read further on my situation, i did make my own post where i share my situation in more detail. May 19, at If you show them you will tolerate sub par treatment just because you are desperate to keep them around, they may hang out and use you till something better comes along…but only until the girl they really want appears.
The only thing to do in these situations is keep your dignity and walk away. That is not perfect to me. I take nothing for granted and I assume a man is playing the field until the day he puts a ring on it…what I mean is that he is very serious and he is the one who is dreaming of our marriage, kids, home…etc.
And even then I do understand things can happen…. Quick and running in is passionate…. So if you fall hard and quickyou just create the greatest opportunity to be the victim here.
Your mistake is you believe he is the one in months during the time he hides all his flaws.